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I don't think this is limited to women. This is how I feel.

For less socializing & more flexibility, I’d recommend hybrid or fully remote jobs. I’m an architectural designer & prefer going into the office like twice a week.

Antidepressants are absolutely more trouble than they're worth. Consider that you've been on these medications for half your life, that's not good. The way to get off of an antidepressant is to go on another weaker antidepressant. For instance, if you were on prozac you could switch to Lexapro for a few months and then just go off the Lexapro. It definitely takes more than 2 or 3 months off of Antidepressants or tranquilizers before you're not addicted to them any more. If you just have autism and ADHD then your doctor should've never put you on anything like an antidepressant, especially since you were only a teenager at the time. Most pyschiatrist have little to no training when it comes to autism. They basically make a half assed diagnosis then they start drugging you. Now you're probably going to go through hell to get off that garbage. I've been through all you're going through and much more. I don't know what they're giving you as a sleeping pill but if it's something like Ambien, they are only made to be taken for a few weeks. However, if they were giving you Trazadone for sleep, well, Trazadone is actually a really old antidepressant, not a sleeping pill. Unless you're seriously depressed you probably shouldn't be on any of this garbage. IMO, you need to find a therapist with experience in autism, and you need to find a new doctor as well. Think about it, you haven't experienced reality since you were a teenager. Never blindly trust a doctor, or even a therapist. I've had doctors lie right to my face about something I knew was true, and that I learned from several other doctors and my own research. This is going to take you a while to straighten out. You'll never get off psychiatric medications you've taken for 15 years in just a couple months. It's going to take time and work to fix this. Oh, and depression isn't caused by a chemical imbalance. If your doctor is still telling you that, then they aren't up to date.

I feel like there were studies showing that probiotics helped people with depression. I’m a big believer in the gut-brain connection ie a healthy gut creates a healthy mind. But it could be that certain brain function issues make it so your gut can’t work either. I hope someone someday can figure it out. But it does seem that many autistic people have gut issues so maybe your gut issues are an autism thing. My husband and are are both autistic and we both were constipated as kids but we always despised vegetables (texture & flavor disgusting) but we both eat a few veggies now but mostly we take Metamucil daily and really think you should try it! My husband puts the orange powder (real sugar kind not the fake sugar stuff!!) in a smoothie daily. I eat the chocolate cookies as a morning snack with 16 oz herbal peppermint tea (which also soothes the stomach) and this stuff has changed our lives for the better!!! The chocolate cookies taste like Oreo cookies and more so if you spread Fluff on them😂. They ate great with milk if you drink that…or hot chocolate at bedtime.

That itch sounds EXACTLY like one of my pregnancy symptoms! I had no option but to wait for the birthing to stop it and it was just like that, pure torture, constant itching everywhere. Was sometimes sleepless and standing up scratching with a dishwasher brush crying in defeat... Wonder if there is some common chemical reason for it, the pregnancy and SSRI

Thank you so so much for sharing. I do not have medicine related itchiness but often times when I am really disregulated because of my autism. What really helps in those situations for me is some indica cannabis. It feels like it makes my skin flowing and dissolves the itchiness. Also really cold showers can be so good. Of course these things may not necessarily help in therms of those withdrawal effects

I tried cold turkey too. After about 6 months my wife told me I needed to see the doctor and or start taking them again. I stopped because over time the effortless way my brain takes on problems started to lessen and the side effects sucked. I didn't like that. I ended comprising to half a dose. I'm still not thrilled about the side effects but having access to what my brain does best is very important to my work. Thanks for talking about.

The weekly pill containers are super helpful at preventing accidents with medications, such as forgetting to take them or accidentally taking them twice. It took me some time getting used to, but it's definitely worth it!

I'm autistic, never required medication or specialized services. Those services are bullshit anyway (referring here to aba). I never had a speech delay. Quite the opposite, I was verbally advanced. So I wonder how your argument would work for someone like me? Am I not disordered because I never needed services? I disagree with you. Autism is not a disorder. You sound very unhappy. Maybe if you changed your views on autism and become more accepting of yourself, you would be less depressed.

It turned out my depression responded to dopamine boosting meds. Serotonin boosters caused a lot of bad things for me. Going off the serotonin boosters (like Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, etc.) have to be tapered gradually, since cold turkey off of these can be dangerous and the withdrawal effects can be very rough. My sleep and anxiety issues were both fixed by the non-stimulant ADHD medication Guanfacine, which originated as a blood pressure medication. This med calms the "fight or flight" response and prevents too much adrenaline from surging in the body. Plus it's nice to have multiple issues addressed by one medication.

It’s ok 👌 medication 💊 treatment does help❤

I’ve been on 2 different ssri’s but I didn’t like the first one and the second one was ok but I didn’t feel like it had much effect on me. So I went on a stronger anti psychotic for my anxiety and debilitating meltdowns with worked ! But now 2 years later I’m much better and reducing the dose and it’s HORRIBLE I’m soo anxious and my bad mental downs are back, it’s only been a week so it’s probably only side affects, I have reduced the dose before and the side affects went away after a couple weeks, I really hope that’s the case this time too, the second ssri’s withdrawal was the worst I had like full body electric shocks every time I moved a muscle it was not fun but it dident last more than a month Warning ⚠️ Take meds if you need it, talk to your doctor if you wanna go off, cus if you do it by yourself and do it wrong you could end up in hospital

If someone is going to go off of an antidepressant, it’s good to switch to Prozac first, which has a weirdly long half-life, so you can start by skipping one day a week, then 2, then 3, and so on until you aren’t taking it at all; and if you notice any withdrawal effects, you can just pause at, say, taking it 3 days a week, until you feel better and can resume. Also, pill minders are awesome and anyone who needs to take more than 1 pill a day should definitely use one! I fill mine on Sundays! 💊

Heyy, I had all of these same symptoms from fluoxetine (Prozac) and turns out I was having episodes of hypoglycemia and Prozac makes hypoglycemia worse... Not sure if this could be the same for you, especially if your food choices have improved, like being in Italy and they don't have as much unhealthy food as the US. I used the Maudsley Guide Deprescribing Guidelines... I think thats what it's called ....it's a medical manual of how to deprescribe/discontinue without bad symptoms bc most online stuff is incorrect... The depression immediately after would be a side effect... It sounds like you might have had discontinuation syndrome from too fast of a taper.

It was very interesting and perhaps also helpful for those who want to start medication! And it explaines, why we didn't hear anything from you for a long time. I always appreciate your videos and hearing from your experiences helps in a way, to understand symptoms and issues from the spectrum! We all struggle in another way then neurotypical people do and i really like to hear more from you, even about the social or family issues.

I guess I got really lucky, damn 😅 I tapered off fluoxetine with very little difficulty

Oh wow, thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to share your experience with us once again, and this explains SO MUCH ! I decided to get off my antidepressants too, which I had been taking for two years without much positive effect on me, so I figured: why continue taking them? 🤷‍♀️ Anyway, I had never researched the side effects and so I didn’t know getting off of them could be such a challenge like you found out… which is probably why I had the hardest time convincing my GP to allow it (me going off of them) in the first place, which I thought was weird but now I’m guessing that might be why 🤔 Anyway, so I did it super gradually just like you did, and the same things you mentioned happened to me as well: weight gain that I can’t shake so far, headaches and itchiness! Funny thing is, last time I saw my GP after getting off of them completely, I asked her for a referral to a dermatologist about those rashes that had appeared out of nowhere and were making my life miserable, and all she said was: oh, this looks like eczema to me, here’s a cream, it will pass eventually… but she never mentioned the fact that it could be related to me going off my medication ! 😮 I have tried the cream and some of it did go away, but not all of it unfortunately… Still, even after learning thanks to you that it could last another couple of years before it goes away (which would suck, let’s be honest !), and despite the weight gain which is annoying also (I have the same problem with tight clothes 😠), I don’t want to go back to a medication that wasn’t really helping for what it was supposed to be helping with in the first place… I just hope the withdrawal side effects will disappear eventually ! And thank you for sharing all that info with us, it really helps me living with the consequences of such a decision to know why those things are happening 🙏🫂❤

I was put on antidepressants for what I thought was depression. After a year and a half I still felt what I thought was depressed so I went back to the doctor and asked to be referred to a psychologist. The psychologist diagnosed me with long standing low level depression. I saw the psychologist once a month for 3 yrs. I taught myself psychology and was eventually able to navigate life without any meditation. Whilst I was taking antidepressants I gained 20 kilos in weight and my productivity was greatly reduced because they made me feel tired all the time. My lack of sleep added to my overeating. Learning psychology has really helped me. Also learning assertiveness. My favourite books on these two subjects are; A Guide to Personal Happiness by Albert Ellis and When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel J Smith. I totally get why you feel so much better when you're in Italy. I live in Spain with my husband in the middle of the countryside, surrounded by nature. We moved here from the UK 21 yrs ago. It's the perfect environment for me. X

Yes definitely check with your doctor before trying to come off psych meds. Also, there is a lot of pressure from strangers online saying that "misdiagnosed" anxiety/depression/bipolar so should stop taking meds. This is dangerous.

I feel so much better after hearing your story and your experience in stopping taking medication for some period of time. Coincidentally, I tried the same thing a few months ago, and I had almost an identical experience to yours. Initially, I felt disappointed in myself but also liberated at the same time. I have to admit to myself that I am going to need medication as my crutch until the day I die. And that it is OK. It is ok because I have disability and I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Let alone to denie it. It is what it is. Whatever makes quality of my life better, bring it on !!! There are some close people in my life who believe I am not trying hard enough to live my life medicine free, but they don't know my life-long internal struggles.

I've gone my whole life thinking either everyone was like that, or everyone wasn't like that and I was just broken.

I’ve been recently diagnosed and also got off my antidepressants around the same time - that was advised by my doctor, weening off done slowly, all of that. Still experienced awful side effects, in the thick of it right now. My sensory sensitives are a lot stronger and more difficult to deal with, my masking started shattering without my permission, but I no longer have depression. However, getting off the medication has given me my personality back. I’m experiencing a wider range of emotion, stronger emotions… I think it’s worth it to be off it honestly (for me). I definitely will need some anxiety meds though because the anxiety from withdrawal (i had it before) is INSANE.

The thing that drives me nuts about reading up side effects of psych meds is that darn near everything you can think of is a side effect... so it is a lot of finger pointing if youre trying to pin down the root cause. It makes it so frustrating tbh since it is a constant battle of "Maybe it is X that is causing this...oh i see that it is also a side effect of this med...oh i see it can also be caused by this...oh i see that this other thing can cause it..." and it is a huge process that eventually just loops back on itself.

My daughter was offered loads of pills by the doctors, but she refused I’m happy now she didn’t take them. Bless you, and thank you for your honesty. Keep smiling your beautiful smile ❤

Feeling dopey and trouble concentrating is very difficult. Omega 3 and Benadryl helps with withdrawal symptoms.

I also quit antidepressants several times in my life and it was a very bad idea. I fell into a bad state and it took me months to get out of it. Also the side effects of coming off the medication were unpleasant. I also thought at times that if I would just get through the tough part I would be free of the medication. I no longer believe that to be the case. I was off the medication for a long time and I was not doing well. I got back on and I'm better. Sure, I wish I didn't need it but I'd rather be not depressed than not taking medication. As for the pill bottles, I use those weekly pill containers, you can just set them up once a month or once a week and you don't have to open three bottles per day. The circular pill boxes that go round and have a cute sliding door are great.

Thank you so much for this video Olivia. I went through a similar experience myself - at least in terms of poor decisions around stopping my medication. I went through a longer recovery period, with a different set of withdrawal symptoms. I got severely stomach sick at first (for a few weeks), followed by increasing amounts of emotional sensitivity, constant panic, and eventually serious suicidal thoughts. Even when I got back on medication, it still took 6 months to feel like myself again. Even now, 2 years later, I still feel like I’m more sensitive to certain things (I pretty much can’t watch horror movies anymore). I’m not happy to hear that I may never be able to stop taking medication - which I only learned about by watching this, so thanks again - but at least I know now, so I can resign myself to this knowledge. I’m also gonna send this to my mom, so she can better understand what I went through, by hearing what someone else went through, and explaining why I can’t stop my meds. And I heavily recommend the pill sorting box. I had gotten used to the opening of pill bottles, but still really didn’t feel good about it. My main problem though was noticing when I had to refill each of the medications, as well as forgetting to take some at certain points of the day. Having a visual reminder helped immensely. I suggest getting a big one that has enough slots for the month, so you only have to deal with opening the bottles once a month, rather than every day 😀

I used to be on 3 meds and got off 2 (over a period of 6 months). The one I keep on taking helps me fall asleep (just like yours). No withdrawal symptoms here.

I was prescribed SSRIs too after visiting a doctor specialised in migranes (I was 20-21 yo). She asked random questions about life, I remember saying I'm sometimes anxious for no reason, such as on full public transportation. She said I have "sub-depression" and soon will have full depression and prescribed SSRIs. Nothing for the migranes, btw. She told me nothing about the side effects, didn't say we need a catch up appointment or anything. I was lucky in many ways. First of all, I had been taking care of a sick relative so I had gotten into the habit of meticulously reading all drug info papers, the longer the better. So I read this one too and guess what, severe negative thoughts and worse is one of the side effects - who could possibly know that without reading the tiny script over who knows how many pages. I took it anyway. The second lucky thing was that I was keeping a dated journal. I think it was the only reason why I realised I had become depressed after starting them. All the negative thoughts were about real life events so it would have been easy to mistake it for just being at a shitty point in life. But reading through the last months it was obvious it was me seeing everything as dark after starting the drugs. I think it hadn't been a whole month. I went off cold turkey, never looked back. I really hope before I die I see all these doctors prescribing these pills willy nilly held accountable.

Thank you, we're helping a child dial in the meds that are best for her and hearing about the possible side effects that the practitioners seem to undersell is extremely enlightening.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean (and I don't blame you, I blame your doctors), but this sounds like exactly the same path that drug addicts take: They decide they're gonna stop, then the withdrawal symptoms get bad and they decide to start taking them again, and so the vicious cycle continues... Sounds like you're having a lot of really nasty side-effects and you may actually be able to have a much more enjoyable life if you can completely stop them, or at least keep reducing the dose. Your body is so used to having these drugs in your system for so many years that maybe it'll just take a bit longer to be able to get off them without these extreme withdrawal symptoms.

You should look up MCAS and histamine intolerance. Most SSRIs are weak antihistamines.

i like your videos 'cause we have such a similar story. my doctor suggests off'n'on if I want to stop my medications. I tried two times, and both of them were an awful experience not sure if it is an advice you would consider, but society has prejudice against antidepressants and mental illnessess. I hear every now and then stuff like "you have an amazing life, you don't need to take anything". try to send a message to your brain, that medication is here to help us

Welcome back, it's good to see you. I'm glad you're doing well now. Being the family scapegoat sounds interesting, as a person with bipolar i get that too. I look forward to anything you release though.

You had the courage to try. That's a really important thing to remember from this. I get the pill bottle thing, except mine is 3 twice a day, for 15 years for bipolar and some autistic traits. I enjoy your videos because you do research and you know yourself so well, and that combination creates so many interesting statements from you. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

I can’t believe you had a job at 11 😮 I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted to be.

I just started up on sertraline about 3 weeks ago, after years of denying the fact that my brain needed help being brain lol.

Hi Olivia. Glad to have you back. I am currently on a ton of meds & supplements for depression/anxiety plus a number of other major health issues I'm facing. Doing the pill thing daily is a super drag. Suggestion? Pill keepers help. Open your bottles once a week, fill up the pill keeper with daily doses - for me I need slots for a.m., p.m. and nighttime doses - and then Bob's your uncle for the week. Hope that helps!

I've been on the same antidepressants and mood stabiliser for many many years, but since they're the first ones that really worked I'm scared of getting of them 😄 and I feel like I don't really need to, why risk it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I went off mine and I didn't do it slowly ..... I DO NOT RECOMMENDED

I’m about to go off mine as well. Oh, maybe not.

You could get a weekly pill box and then get the pill bottle opening etc. all over with in 20 mins once a week? I was able to weak of my antidepressants as my anxiety became my real issue. I had terrible withdrawal, even doing the taper under medical guidance, because I'm very sensitive to medication.

I'm struggling with stress/anxiety/depression right now and am debating about who to go to for it...I just need the type of support Alex seems to be for Olivia but the lyrics of Micheal Buble's Haven't Met you Yet speak to the feelings I struggle with in this regard...I've been trying to tweak a few things in the last couple of months to try to deal with this...

Your experience sounds like an extreme challenge! I haven't been on medication myself. Your experience is why I have yet to try medication, despite being prescribed. People say I'm being selfish, lazy, and ignorant for being unwilling to be medicated. What I have done for 22 years is to try everything but medication. As an adult I spend 1/3 of my income on actively trying to find or create stability. Whether that is through supplements, diets, practices, or exercises. I've experienced my own kind of hell from supplements. Some have helped, but others have brought me close to death. I enjoy being independent with my pursuit in health, but when in agony from side effects I do feel alone and rejected because I refuse the meds. Outside of supplements, what I found that did help the most was a specific unconventional mental health practice, however I have regressed because of a supplement causing psychosis. That was years ago and I'm still not quite right. This year, after 13 years of contemplating ASD as being my lifelong root cause I came to realize it is my reality That is a significant step in the right direction, but it doesn't help with my being heard or supported within society. The battle continues.

I too get sick of opening the pill bottles every night. I hate-hate-hate having to rely on medication to function. Every time I decide to try weaning myself off of them, my husband says something sarcastic like, "yes, now that your blood sugar is under control, you should *definitely* stop taking insulin" to remind me that taking medication is part of why I am doing so well. I have tried before, and much like your experience, it went well for a couple of months before I crashed. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's hard to admit that we do need medicine to function, and it can be embarrassing when things go awry. Ultimately, the brain is an organ, and sometimes our organs need help to do their jobs. If your choice (like mine) is taking medication or feeling suicidal, I hope you continue to choose medication. The world is better off with you in it.

As a worker with children with autism, some medications are a blessing for these children

Always wished i could do this! 😊

Thanks Olivia. I all of a sudden looked up side effects in mine too and had the same experience - check, check, check! I only tried tapering one for about 2 weeks and my symptoms were already coming back. Maybe I tapered too quickly tho. What you shared is really interesting tho - my son has huge anxiety and he doesn’t want meds. Maybe not taking them really is best - based on your research. Thanks for sharing. And glad to see another video! 😊

Thank you for your homesty...I totally understand and empathize with you wanting to wean yourself off your meds. I try that myself from time to time and have similar results. I don't even take the same type of meds. Mine are blood pressure and thyroid pills. I also have multiple allergies and have to take a pill for itching every day!! I agree it can be unbearable at times. You seem to be doing all the right things. GOOD JOB! ❤❤❤ Hope the new puppy is learning...not easy for sure!

Thank you for sharing this! I'm in a similar situation.... I've been on meds for anxiety, depression and insomnia for about 20 years now (well, it's been about 15 years for this combo - I was on some other combinations of meds that didn't work before we found these). I have similar side effects but they're tolerable, although I do worry about the short-term memory thing, especially over time. Sometimes I think I should try to get off them, but I'm terrified that the withdrawal symptoms would screw up my life, and I remember how bad things were before I was on them (even though I was quite a bit younger)... I've told myself, "Maybe when my life calms down..." Your story makes me feel like maybe I could start with lowering the dosage and see how that goes.... I really don't realistically see myself being able to stop any time soon. And yes, the pill bottles suck!